Follow Up

Well, I made it to the follow up with RE #2 yesterday. Things went okay.
I was armed with the recent diagnosis of the septum and several questions for old RE(aka DF).
The staff at this clinic is very nice. The receptionist and all of the nurses love me. It's hard for me to maintain a pissed off attitude in this environment. Like I have said before, this IVF clinic really gets the emotional aspects of the IVF process. They are very compassionate. But, compassion doesn't equal pregnancies unfortunately.
I arrive at 10:36 am, I had to call the clinic and tell them I was going to be a couple of minutes late. Something huge had flown off of a transfer truck on the interstate so right before my exit to RE #2, the interstate was open with only one lane of traffic. Traffic was extremely congested.
I was wheeled immediately back to my RE's office. Nice hand shake when I entered the room and instead of sitting behind his desk he sits closer to me. More towards the side.
So here's where things get interesting.
Him- So, you are here for the follow up on your frozen transfer?
Me- Yup
He then goes into a whole spill of how only 1 of the three embryos made it through the thaw. They hatched it a 7 cells. That immediately confused me because I was told that it gained a cell after the thaw process. Oh well, not to concerned about Lone Ranger. He/she put up a good fight just to survive the thaw process.
He then goes into the whole spill of how all my embryo's were excellent quality after my fresh cycle and they had a lot of hope that it would work. That my cycle was textbook for pregnancy. Now we all know that excellent quality embryos don't amount to a hill of beans in the IVF game.
I then question any changes he would make to my protocol?
He answers with none.
I then told him about my day 3 fsh coming back as 11.
Once again would you change my protocol?
He asked who performed my days 3's. I tell him my ob/gyn. He goes into a spill about if I was 39 that wouldn't concern him so much but being only 32 that is something that does concern him a little. But, still thinks that the long lupron protocol worked wonderfully for me and he would not change it.
Yeah maybe a year and a half ago when my fsh was only 6.5, but um.. Now it's 11? He knows I don't respond the best anyway. I didn't realize they performed the day 3 testing on me a year and a half ago.
So, I then ask him to explain the findings of the hysteroscopy? What did he see when performing it?
He reads back my surgical report to me. Everything looks great.
So this is the part where he looks like a deer caught in head lights.
I then tell him that I consulted a 3rd RE on Jan. the 24th and I was diagnosised with a uterine septum.
I lay out the diagnosis sheet and wait.
His eyes get as wide as two saucers and he says to me. YOU DO NOT HAVE A SEPTUM.
I said humm..
I then question the fact that in my surgical report it states that the ostium(opening of the fallopian tubes) could be seen on the left but not on the right when the hysteroscopy was inserted? With a normal uterus you should be able to see both openings.
He stutters a little bit.
I then ask about the white tissue area that I see on the hysteroscopy pictures. Both of these are classic signs of septums.
He just repeats you do not have a septum.
He asked what procedure new RE used to diagnosis this and I told him standard procedure that they perform before they cycle anyone at their clinic. A saline u/s.
He then states that he's performed many saline u/s and he too has thought that many women have had septums. That after moving forward with the hysteroscopy they have shown to not have a septum.
I then explain that I'm sick and tired of spending all of this money out of pocket. That I want some answers before anyone carves on my uterus. That if I do infact have a septum and it was missed that this was something detrimental.
He suggest that I seek a third opinion to put my mind at ease, and repeats that I do not have a septum.
Well, let me tell you folks. I'm seriously over it. I know it's hard for RE's to acknowledge their mistakes. But, I need some answers to this situation.
So, I have ANOTHER consultation with another RE in my area on March the 13th. I need some answers before I close this book on IVF if you know what I mean?
It's a big ass cluster fuck if you ask me!

Follow Up Is Rescheduled

For this Thursday. It's snowing in the mountains, I didn't feel safe enough to drive. So we shall see what happens Thursday!
Meanwhile, I'm neck deep in receipts for my taxes....
HELP!

Expose theme myself?

As most of you know tomorrow is the follow up with dumbfuck RE who missed the septum.
I'm hoping DF will refund the money that I have wasted with him and the his wonderfully shitty clinic.
I'm actually thinking of pursuing legal action(if he doesn't agree) but I don't know if I have enough energy to fight. That's still up in the air...
I will cycle again and have surgery to repair the septum if all goes well. If not, B and I have decided to pursue adoption. We are finally on the same page about the infertility situation and I must admit. If feels pretty good. I'm just starting to research the adoption areas. We are thinking of going domestic. I feel like a newbie all over again.
Enough is enough. My body is spent mentally and physically and I'm ready to move on to.

Just What The Dr. Ordered

Yup, well... He didn't actually order it, I did.
B and I took a little vacation. Not a very long one. We were only away for 3 days but I have to say, it could not have been any better timing considering the circumstances.
I actually didn't think about my infertility once for 3 days. I can't believe it.
We went away to a ski resort called WINTERPLACE. We stayed at the Glade Springs Resort. Very nice. Couldn't resist the incredible deal that we received.
I surprised hubby with a nice couples massage at the spa at Glade Springs, the day before Valentine's. Sweet... I could have stayed at that spa all evening. I felt like a noodle I was so relaxed.
The big bonus about the whole trip was that it was snowing. Well, almost a damn white out! Being from the south, the slopes in NC are normally icy conditions. If you can snowboard on ice you can snowboard on about anything. I thought I had died and went to powder heaven on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. I'm completely spoiled with fresh powder now. I'm pretty sure they received well over 12 inches of snow. It was beautiful, relaxing, peaceful, pampering, and fun. Something I was in desperate need of.
The bad part is my face is completely chapped. My lips, nose, and cheeks are red, raw, and hurt like a bitch at the moment. Any tips for extremely dry skin on the face? My skin is really sensitive also. No pain, no gain! Huh?
I attempted a little jump at the snowboard park. Yes, I do believe I'm getting a little brave. I actually landed the first jump. The second one I went completely airborne and came down on my ass. It didn't hurt that bad, or I was laughing too hard at myself to notice. My husband then decided he would attempt the run. He landed the first one, didn't get enough speed for the second jump. We laughed and watched the youngsters rip it up.
I really wish I would have learned to snowboard in my younger years instead of my 30's. Oh well, it was fun and I needed the break. It was also very romantic, something else that was much needed.
We have decided what to do about the current infertility situation but I'm not really wanting to discuss it at the moment. I'm still on my little mini-vacation high..
Stay tuned, I'm sure details will be in the next post!

More Bad News

Well, seems like I'm out of the game for the shared risk. My day 3 fsh came back as 11. Yup, 11.
I'm screaming at the universe at the moment. I'm so hurt. In order for me to be accepted into the shared risk my day 3's needed to be under 10. One crappy little point. Seems to be the story of my life here lately. ALWAYS SOMETHING.
I'm so over it.
I mean I guess I could go through with the septum surgery. Spend tons of money for a single cycle. And just go for it. But, I feel in my heart, I don't have a snowball's chance in hell of this working for me.
You know people ask all of the time, when is enough really enough? They say you know when enough is enough. Well, I could not be hearing it any louder at the moment. My mind/intuition is screaming enough!
Like I was telling a wonderful friend of mine today. If I haven't had 3 surgeries in the past, the ectopic's, the m/c's, the failed IVF cycles, and the money flushed down the drain. I would be open arms about the situation.
I wouldn't think twice about moving forward. But, as I sit here this evening. I'm finding myself wanting to adopt more and more. I've had it, I'm spent, and I'm sick of all these fucking procedures. I don't want any more surgeries and I don't want anymore failed cycles. Enough.
I'm so desperate. I'm actually thinking of calling PITA sister and asking her if she remembers the talk we had when she offered to be a surrogate for B and I. She's a total nut job. But, if it involves a baby making it to term, I'm all for it.
If it gets me out of another invasive surgery, even better! Hey, If I'm really sweet maybe she'll donate her eggs also. Don't really think mine are going to do the trick.
I just don't think I can handle this anymore. I'm going to have to get some things sorted out.
Like, just really how much we can afford.
My main objective about the about entering the shared risk. If it didn't work, I would receive money back and then could afford to adopt.
Well, that plan is scratch...
So, now it's either
1) Adoption
2) Have surgery, do a single cycle and call it quits. Take another year off to save money to be able to afford to adopt.
3) Gestational surrogate, which I'm thinking is even more expensive than adoption, and still no guarantee.

I don't know what all number 3 would involve. I guess I should research a little. Now with my fsh being so shitty, plus the uterus, I don't even know which way to turn.
I know I'm probably not making much sense. Because it's not making much sense to me at the moment. I just know my mind is screaming.

KIM YOU'RE SERIOUSLY FUCKED!