Hope For The Best.
Receive the worst.
Boy o boy, if I could only draw everyone a picture of my reproductive system. Trust me, it's not a pretty picture folks.
I can not stress enough how important it is to find a really good RE. Seek second, third, and fourth opinions if you must! If you have been dealing with IF for more than a year. Move straight to an RE.
Run don't walk.
I'm totally numb. I've been crying on and off since 12 a.m. this afternoon.
Shall I start the day out from the beginning?
Do you really want to hear me whine?
Around 4 a.m. I am awaken by my wonderful(ratbastard) cat. I don't mean that in a bad way, I swear. I love the little fellow but, do I really need to be awaken to him rolling in a ball like sonic the crazed hedgehog for 15 minutes at 4 in the morning.
6 a.m.- Shower make coffee. Drink coffee and get ready for my 3 hour drive to see RE number 3, the big consult I've been looking so forward to. HA!
6:45 wake B up and tell him to start getting ready.
7:11 - 7:22- agonize over what the fuck to wear. Do I want to go comfy or fashionable? Try on 4 paris of pants, 15 shirts, 2 different bras, 2 different panties, 6 pairs of shoes and three different necklaces.
7:300- fuck it, just throw something on safe.
7:33- leave the house with my suitcase full of consent forms and medical history.
7:33 -10:35- Ride with husband and listen to him bitch about traffic(it was really bad). Try to ignore him and read the latest book I've started.
10:41- Try to find a parking spot at new clinic. Find one and some bitch cuts in front of B and takes the spot.(HA, lucky for her I'm not stimming)
10:45- Arrive at new clinic and sign in. Hand over insurance information and well you know the drill
11:05- Called back by nurse. Very sweet, checks my blood pressure(a little high), I then explain cut off in the parking lot and traffic. She ask some medical history. We laugh, life's good. Taken back to Mr. Wonderful( aka my new RE)
Are you bored yet? Get ready for some waiting...
11:21- Mr. Wonderful walks in. We talk about my history...
He scans over my medical back ground and starts drilling me with questions esp, about my other protocols. He then review my pregnancies. Starts asking several more questions and starts taking notes. We discuss my surgeries. Talk more protocol. He then explains the next set of test he would like to run.
Blood test that involve 9 viles of blood to be drawn.
Also known as a habitual aborter panel. It includes screening for lupus anticoagulant, Anticardiolipin IgM, IgG, IgA, Thrombophilia, Genetic evaluation, Immunologic Factors, and endocrine normalities.
Which is basically boils down to a whole lot of blood people. I begged, pleaded with my last RE to run these test. My last RE didn't believe in them. It's just my tubes, that's the only problem.
We talk more protocol(he promises to fine tune it when I have my day 3 fsh results in), in order to achieve a better response next time I cycle, and sends me to the room across the hall for my saline ultrasound. Sends B off to the porn room and I'm a happy camper.
A RE how agrees to test and believes in them? You've got to be kidding, and I was mad because you made me wait 26 minutes... Okay you're forgiven.
11:51- Keep watching the u/s machine, the clock is ticking. Mr. Wonderful might be getting a quick bite to eat. Nope, I think I hear him with another patient? I here my chart shuffling. Is that him? Nope back to the book.
12:04- Well there you are sunshine, what took you so long? I then explain how I've never had a saline ultrasound. I've had an hsg, back in the day when I had a tube and a nube(my ob/gyn sent me to my local hospital for one) when I was a little pup wet behind the years.
All is going well. He's explaining his findings. Ask if I only had one ovary. I wanted to ask him if he read my chart, but bite my lip. I explain to him that the right ovary he was looking for was covered with adhesions. And I've been told that my ovaries are really small.
Oh yes, I've found it. Shows me my resting follicles(11 or 12 resting) Explains that I should get a much better response with my upcoming cycle, that previous RE's should have use a different protocol(you think?). And then things get really quiet. Nurse and I are chit chatting . Nurse even comments on how quiet Mr. Wonderful just got.
He then said I'm concentrating.
Okay? I then hear these 3 words.
YOU HAVE A UTERINE SEPTUM!
What?( did I just hear that correctly?)
I then mumble something along the lines of,
So that's where my embryos are going!
I get really quiet also.
Chatty nurse pats my knee.
He then starts showing me everything on the u/s screen after he injects another round of saline.
From then on things start getting really blurry. He tells me to get dressed and he'll explain his findings.
I'm fighting back the tears, I know it's not good.
I sit on a bench outside of the u/s room and I'm sure I look like I just got punched in the gut. My brain is racing.
How could this have possibly went un diagnosed when I've had a fucking hysteroscopy from my last RE? How? How do you miss this?
B walks up with a little grin on his face. Wish I was grinning. Looks at me and knows that something is wrong.
What's wrong dear, is everything okay?
I mumbled, not good, I'll let Mr. Wonderful explain.
Mr. Wonderful takes B and I back into his office again.
He explains the good, I guess if you consider 10/11 resting follicles good news.
And then moves into the septum spill.
He draws a picture of what he was seeing so that I'll understand better. And well I have a complete nervous break down on him. He shows B and I the u/s photos again and goes over them thoroughly.
How much can one person take? My cup has runnit over with shit fucking luck.
He then explains the surgery to fix the septum. It's really quite simple or so Mr. Wonderful said.
I'm not really hearing things too well at this point.
I do manage to ask if it involves another fucking laporscopy? Please God,no more surgeries. No more incisions on my stomach.
I did here a no on that.
Also heard simple procedure with little recovery time. Would just set me back a month or two on cycling. Heard the words hysteroscopic metroplasty and something about a catheter/balloon being place in my uterus while I heal. Heard some thing about taking hormones during the healing time to quiet the uterus and decide to cry some more.
Mr. Wonderful then told me they have great success rates with this procedure. He then goes on to tell me that he can not cycle me without the surgery.
That women with septums like mine are not able to carry a baby to term. Could be the reason that 2 of my ectopics were ify about being a actual ectopic.
Mr. Wonderful leaves the room and sends the nurse in to take me over for my labs.
9 viles.
My loving husband tells me to stop blaming myself. I can't control this. I really can't. He doesn't understand the anger I'm feeling. I've seen incompetent Dr. after incompetent Dr. and I'm pissed for wasting so much money.
Blood drawn, back to Mr.Wonderful's office. We wait some more.
Mr. Wonderful strolls in and tells me his nurse will call to set me up for surgery. That may husband's semen analysis is perfect. Yes, I know this.
We check out and leave.
I cry on and off the whole ride home. We arrive home sometime after 5pm.
I don't know what to do.
So that's the long awaited consult in a fucking nutshell. I drafted some of this last night. I'm mentally exhausted at the moment.
I want to call in to work but I have a full day on my book.
Life goes on I suppose.
Boy o boy, if I could only draw everyone a picture of my reproductive system. Trust me, it's not a pretty picture folks.
I can not stress enough how important it is to find a really good RE. Seek second, third, and fourth opinions if you must! If you have been dealing with IF for more than a year. Move straight to an RE.
Run don't walk.
I'm totally numb. I've been crying on and off since 12 a.m. this afternoon.
Shall I start the day out from the beginning?
Do you really want to hear me whine?
Around 4 a.m. I am awaken by my wonderful(ratbastard) cat. I don't mean that in a bad way, I swear. I love the little fellow but, do I really need to be awaken to him rolling in a ball like sonic the crazed hedgehog for 15 minutes at 4 in the morning.
6 a.m.- Shower make coffee. Drink coffee and get ready for my 3 hour drive to see RE number 3, the big consult I've been looking so forward to. HA!
6:45 wake B up and tell him to start getting ready.
7:11 - 7:22- agonize over what the fuck to wear. Do I want to go comfy or fashionable? Try on 4 paris of pants, 15 shirts, 2 different bras, 2 different panties, 6 pairs of shoes and three different necklaces.
7:300- fuck it, just throw something on safe.
7:33- leave the house with my suitcase full of consent forms and medical history.
7:33 -10:35- Ride with husband and listen to him bitch about traffic(it was really bad). Try to ignore him and read the latest book I've started.
10:41- Try to find a parking spot at new clinic. Find one and some bitch cuts in front of B and takes the spot.(HA, lucky for her I'm not stimming)
10:45- Arrive at new clinic and sign in. Hand over insurance information and well you know the drill
11:05- Called back by nurse. Very sweet, checks my blood pressure(a little high), I then explain cut off in the parking lot and traffic. She ask some medical history. We laugh, life's good. Taken back to Mr. Wonderful( aka my new RE)
Are you bored yet? Get ready for some waiting...
11:21- Mr. Wonderful walks in. We talk about my history...
He scans over my medical back ground and starts drilling me with questions esp, about my other protocols. He then review my pregnancies. Starts asking several more questions and starts taking notes. We discuss my surgeries. Talk more protocol. He then explains the next set of test he would like to run.
Blood test that involve 9 viles of blood to be drawn.
Also known as a habitual aborter panel. It includes screening for lupus anticoagulant, Anticardiolipin IgM, IgG, IgA, Thrombophilia, Genetic evaluation, Immunologic Factors, and endocrine normalities.
Which is basically boils down to a whole lot of blood people. I begged, pleaded with my last RE to run these test. My last RE didn't believe in them. It's just my tubes, that's the only problem.
We talk more protocol(he promises to fine tune it when I have my day 3 fsh results in), in order to achieve a better response next time I cycle, and sends me to the room across the hall for my saline ultrasound. Sends B off to the porn room and I'm a happy camper.
A RE how agrees to test and believes in them? You've got to be kidding, and I was mad because you made me wait 26 minutes... Okay you're forgiven.
11:51- Keep watching the u/s machine, the clock is ticking. Mr. Wonderful might be getting a quick bite to eat. Nope, I think I hear him with another patient? I here my chart shuffling. Is that him? Nope back to the book.
12:04- Well there you are sunshine, what took you so long? I then explain how I've never had a saline ultrasound. I've had an hsg, back in the day when I had a tube and a nube(my ob/gyn sent me to my local hospital for one) when I was a little pup wet behind the years.
All is going well. He's explaining his findings. Ask if I only had one ovary. I wanted to ask him if he read my chart, but bite my lip. I explain to him that the right ovary he was looking for was covered with adhesions. And I've been told that my ovaries are really small.
Oh yes, I've found it. Shows me my resting follicles(11 or 12 resting) Explains that I should get a much better response with my upcoming cycle, that previous RE's should have use a different protocol(you think?). And then things get really quiet. Nurse and I are chit chatting . Nurse even comments on how quiet Mr. Wonderful just got.
He then said I'm concentrating.
Okay? I then hear these 3 words.
YOU HAVE A UTERINE SEPTUM!
What?( did I just hear that correctly?)
I then mumble something along the lines of,
So that's where my embryos are going!
I get really quiet also.
Chatty nurse pats my knee.
He then starts showing me everything on the u/s screen after he injects another round of saline.
From then on things start getting really blurry. He tells me to get dressed and he'll explain his findings.
I'm fighting back the tears, I know it's not good.
I sit on a bench outside of the u/s room and I'm sure I look like I just got punched in the gut. My brain is racing.
How could this have possibly went un diagnosed when I've had a fucking hysteroscopy from my last RE? How? How do you miss this?
B walks up with a little grin on his face. Wish I was grinning. Looks at me and knows that something is wrong.
What's wrong dear, is everything okay?
I mumbled, not good, I'll let Mr. Wonderful explain.
Mr. Wonderful takes B and I back into his office again.
He explains the good, I guess if you consider 10/11 resting follicles good news.
And then moves into the septum spill.
He draws a picture of what he was seeing so that I'll understand better. And well I have a complete nervous break down on him. He shows B and I the u/s photos again and goes over them thoroughly.
How much can one person take? My cup has runnit over with shit fucking luck.
He then explains the surgery to fix the septum. It's really quite simple or so Mr. Wonderful said.
I'm not really hearing things too well at this point.
I do manage to ask if it involves another fucking laporscopy? Please God,no more surgeries. No more incisions on my stomach.
I did here a no on that.
Also heard simple procedure with little recovery time. Would just set me back a month or two on cycling. Heard the words hysteroscopic metroplasty and something about a catheter/balloon being place in my uterus while I heal. Heard some thing about taking hormones during the healing time to quiet the uterus and decide to cry some more.
Mr. Wonderful then told me they have great success rates with this procedure. He then goes on to tell me that he can not cycle me without the surgery.
That women with septums like mine are not able to carry a baby to term. Could be the reason that 2 of my ectopics were ify about being a actual ectopic.
Mr. Wonderful leaves the room and sends the nurse in to take me over for my labs.
9 viles.
My loving husband tells me to stop blaming myself. I can't control this. I really can't. He doesn't understand the anger I'm feeling. I've seen incompetent Dr. after incompetent Dr. and I'm pissed for wasting so much money.
Blood drawn, back to Mr.Wonderful's office. We wait some more.
Mr. Wonderful strolls in and tells me his nurse will call to set me up for surgery. That may husband's semen analysis is perfect. Yes, I know this.
We check out and leave.
I cry on and off the whole ride home. We arrive home sometime after 5pm.
I don't know what to do.
So that's the long awaited consult in a fucking nutshell. I drafted some of this last night. I'm mentally exhausted at the moment.
I want to call in to work but I have a full day on my book.
Life goes on I suppose.
posted by Kimmer at 10:30 PM
7 Comments:
Kim, I hate, hate, hate that you're going through this. I'm so sorry, my friend.
Oh my goodness, what a day. I am so sorry, Kim. You have a right to be sad and angry and frustrated (and so far beyond frustrated)! I'll be thinking of you.
So sorry honey - absolutely unfair and wrong in so many different ways. I suppose it's useless to even think about calling previous RE and asking what the fuck. Bastard.
Unbelievable. That another doctor did a hysteroscopy and didn't see the septum is beyond my ability to comprehend rationally.
You deserved a long cry - for all you've been through to have it come to something like this, at this stage of the game.
Glad you are in good hands, finally.
Kim, sorry it's taken me this long to read... and again, I'm so sorry this happened to you. As you know, almost the exact thing happened to me. It fucking sucks. It's unbelievable.
Hysteroscopic resectioning of the septum is not a huge deal, the only reason I had a lap along with mine was to rule out any freaky thing with the top of the uterus, and to check for endo.
I did not have a great deal of pain after surgery, but due to the lap incision, I was taking tylenol/codeine for 2 days.
I did not have the balloon in the ute, this is a matter of preference between surgeons, some do it, some don't. I did take estrace tablets for oh, 4-5 weeks? I'll have to look in my palm pilot and see how long. The theory is that the estrace helps with healing. You might have to take provera after that to bring on a period, as the estrace will keep period away.
Did you ask him about anesthesia? I would highly recommend this be done in a hospital, outpatient surgery, and under a really good anesthesia - this ain't an office h-scope where they're just taking a look-see, they will be cutting away that septum, and you want no pain during that, my friend.
OK, that's my assvice for now, if there's anything else I can tell you, let me know.
I am so sorry that you received such bad news. I really hope that the surgery will help you achieve and sustain a healthy pregnancy down the road.
I suffered ectopics as well, and know how hard that is. I am also in NC, if you'd like to talk. cmbabe@earthlink.net
Kate
Oh Kimmer how incredibly incredibly frustrating to have this news now. You must just be so angry with your old RE. I don't know what to say other than thank goodness they've found it now. That's a really good thing.
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