Getting Scared
As my consult approaches in less than a week for the shared risk. I'm finding myself scared. I'm feeling a lot of anxiety also.
My reasons are as follows:
1) I don't know if I'm prepared mentally to take on 3 IVF cycles and 3 Fet cycles in 1 year. Not that I'll have enough to freeze. But, that's part of the package if I do. I must perform all cycles within a year or no money will be returned.
2) I'm out of pocket on all expenses. The amount of money we are getting ready to drop on this makes my stomach turn. I'm not a huge fan of debt. I am just now starting to get out of debt from opening my salon 3 years ago. Also, we finally have all our debt paid off from my surgeries, past 2 IVF's, and the FET.
3) Is this worth it? I mean to subject my body to all of these procedures on top of all of the surgeries I've had in the past. I mean of course it will be worth it if I do take home a live baby. But, what if I m/c again? I don't know mentally if I can handle another loss. I have vivid nightmares from time to time of being pregnant and delivering and things not going so well. I feel like sometimes it's a premonition. Trying to warn me of what lies ahead.
If someone could just tell me that it will work or let's just say I had a crystal ball and I could see into the future that it would work. I wouldn't hesitate. I wouldn't look back at all. But, considering all that I've been through. I just don't want anymore heartache.
5) When I cycle, I'm not the most pleasant person in the world. It usually causes huge amounts of stress on B and I. Nice agurements and all of that other good junk!
I don't know, I'm confused and scared and not quite sure if I can handle all of this! When is enough, really enough?
My reasons are as follows:
1) I don't know if I'm prepared mentally to take on 3 IVF cycles and 3 Fet cycles in 1 year. Not that I'll have enough to freeze. But, that's part of the package if I do. I must perform all cycles within a year or no money will be returned.
2) I'm out of pocket on all expenses. The amount of money we are getting ready to drop on this makes my stomach turn. I'm not a huge fan of debt. I am just now starting to get out of debt from opening my salon 3 years ago. Also, we finally have all our debt paid off from my surgeries, past 2 IVF's, and the FET.
3) Is this worth it? I mean to subject my body to all of these procedures on top of all of the surgeries I've had in the past. I mean of course it will be worth it if I do take home a live baby. But, what if I m/c again? I don't know mentally if I can handle another loss. I have vivid nightmares from time to time of being pregnant and delivering and things not going so well. I feel like sometimes it's a premonition. Trying to warn me of what lies ahead.
If someone could just tell me that it will work or let's just say I had a crystal ball and I could see into the future that it would work. I wouldn't hesitate. I wouldn't look back at all. But, considering all that I've been through. I just don't want anymore heartache.
5) When I cycle, I'm not the most pleasant person in the world. It usually causes huge amounts of stress on B and I. Nice agurements and all of that other good junk!
I don't know, I'm confused and scared and not quite sure if I can handle all of this! When is enough, really enough?
posted by Kimmer at 9:43 AM
3 Comments:
I think enough is enough when you just can't bring yourself to say yes. When you decide a biological child isn't worth this trauma. I'm not sure that that is where you are.
You can do it honey - I know it seems daunting now, but we'll be here for you. Enough waiting!
Trinity looks very cute!
I hear ya, Kim. Loud and clear. For what it's worth, I did 3 fresh cycles and 2 FETs in one year. It is doable. I completely understand the fear of another m/c and all of the financial crap, though. It's so hard.
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