I'm Confused
Imagine that! I'm lost and I don't know where to turn. Okay, I'm childless and I'm really fucking sick of it. I have a nice little wine buzz to so bear with me.
I don't know if I should adopt or do a shared risk cycle? And I can't seem to focus on anything right now. I've half ass called about the shared risk. Of course messages were returned while I was at work. I've read the websites of several clinics in the area that offer the shared risk. But, really. Is is worth it? Yes, I could get some of the money back for the cycles if they don't work and I'm sure they won't. But, do I want to subject myself to more IF treatments? I mean there comes a point when enough is enough.
All the losses and now the treatments. Most people that I know wonder how I keep forward with treatments? Well, I guess they don't understand the feelings of never having a family. I love children. I mean my mother sent me a Birthday card and it starts off- Daughter, blah, blah, blah. The first thought that comes to my head as I read it was. I'll never have a son/daughter to send a card to. It's just sad. I want a family. My husband would be the world's best father. He's wonderful. He's amazing with children. Chessus, he coached little league football for 12 years. Up until last year when our IF started to take it's toll. And Trinity(my niece) worships the ground he walks on.
Who knows I'm rambling and have had one too many glasses of wine. I guess I'll figure it out sooner or later. Just letting the eggs mature a little more. They were shitty at 28, which was 4 years ago. To bad they can't be like wine. Just get better with age!
I don't know if I should adopt or do a shared risk cycle? And I can't seem to focus on anything right now. I've half ass called about the shared risk. Of course messages were returned while I was at work. I've read the websites of several clinics in the area that offer the shared risk. But, really. Is is worth it? Yes, I could get some of the money back for the cycles if they don't work and I'm sure they won't. But, do I want to subject myself to more IF treatments? I mean there comes a point when enough is enough.
All the losses and now the treatments. Most people that I know wonder how I keep forward with treatments? Well, I guess they don't understand the feelings of never having a family. I love children. I mean my mother sent me a Birthday card and it starts off- Daughter, blah, blah, blah. The first thought that comes to my head as I read it was. I'll never have a son/daughter to send a card to. It's just sad. I want a family. My husband would be the world's best father. He's wonderful. He's amazing with children. Chessus, he coached little league football for 12 years. Up until last year when our IF started to take it's toll. And Trinity(my niece) worships the ground he walks on.
Who knows I'm rambling and have had one too many glasses of wine. I guess I'll figure it out sooner or later. Just letting the eggs mature a little more. They were shitty at 28, which was 4 years ago. To bad they can't be like wine. Just get better with age!
posted by Kimmer at 10:22 PM
3 Comments:
You WILL have a child, Kim, through one of these options! YOu will have a son or a daughter to buy birthday cards for, and all the other things mothers do. I am sure of it. Sorry the decisions are so tough right now. It is so hard, so very hard.
I hate that this crap is so hard. I'm right there with ya, though. So freaking confused. I hope the next step comes easier than you expect.
It's hard. It's so hard sometimes. I have moments like that often as well, when I cringe at the back to school ads, when I sigh heavily when someone's griping about having to help with a school project.
I hope that you manage to find your path... and that your journey to parenthood (in whatever form it takes) is over soon.
Post a Comment
<< Home