So it just hit me...
Yep, I believe I'm back on the cycle wagon. Not cycling yet, but all the fun bullshit that goes along with it is getting ready to kick back in gear.
1- Drinking in moderation(this one isn't so hard)
2- Quitting smoking!(this one is going to kill me)
3- No special cigarettes(easy)
4- Proper diet and exercise(not hard once I start)
5- Avoid medications for nerves(no xanax, easy enough)
6- My favorite of the above, start the acupuncture back up.
Okay, now I sound like a freakin junky. But, this IVF shit is no joke. I mean why shell out thousands of dollars to not try everything possible to get winning results? The grand BFP, and maybe I might be lucky enough for it to stick around. Yeah right, who am I fooling?
I think I just caught a glimpse this evening of Ms. Positive trying to return.
Really, not trying to get my hopes up for this FET, but I feel a certain amount of excitement creeping in. Just enough I guess to push me foward and move on to another cycle.
So, I really feel emotionally that the 3rd negative is going to be a lot harder than the 2nd and first. I mean I guess that's why I've prolonged this FET until forever. I thought maybe each negative would get easier. Of course, I don't think the ectopic between IVF cycle #1 and #2 helped out with the emotions of BFN #2. I actually did better with my last and final ectopic(emotionally) than I did with my 2nd BFN. Maybe because after 6 losses you just get immune to them. NO EMOTION with the last ectopic that's for sure. But, with the 2nd BFN I looked like a poster child for depression. Really, I had a nervous break down on poor Brian. But as always, I managed to scrape myself up and find a way to keep plugging along.
It all just sucks ya know.........
1- Drinking in moderation(this one isn't so hard)
2- Quitting smoking!(this one is going to kill me)
3- No special cigarettes(easy)
4- Proper diet and exercise(not hard once I start)
5- Avoid medications for nerves(no xanax, easy enough)
6- My favorite of the above, start the acupuncture back up.
Okay, now I sound like a freakin junky. But, this IVF shit is no joke. I mean why shell out thousands of dollars to not try everything possible to get winning results? The grand BFP, and maybe I might be lucky enough for it to stick around. Yeah right, who am I fooling?
I think I just caught a glimpse this evening of Ms. Positive trying to return.
Really, not trying to get my hopes up for this FET, but I feel a certain amount of excitement creeping in. Just enough I guess to push me foward and move on to another cycle.
So, I really feel emotionally that the 3rd negative is going to be a lot harder than the 2nd and first. I mean I guess that's why I've prolonged this FET until forever. I thought maybe each negative would get easier. Of course, I don't think the ectopic between IVF cycle #1 and #2 helped out with the emotions of BFN #2. I actually did better with my last and final ectopic(emotionally) than I did with my 2nd BFN. Maybe because after 6 losses you just get immune to them. NO EMOTION with the last ectopic that's for sure. But, with the 2nd BFN I looked like a poster child for depression. Really, I had a nervous break down on poor Brian. But as always, I managed to scrape myself up and find a way to keep plugging along.
It all just sucks ya know.........
posted by Kimmer at 11:42 PM
3 Comments:
It all does suck. Big time. I think each subsequent negative gets harder, too. Here's hoping you won't have to deal with another BFN.
Thinking of you Kim! It is exciting to start a new cycle, hope this is it for you! You have been through so much -- none of it is easy. For me, the only thing that got me through the BFNS was back up plans -- knowing what we were going to do next. I hate not having a plan.
Now good luck with the cigs! How are you doing?
yay for starting! How's OQS going?
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