Random Thoughts
Or should I say random jumble? I feel very confused and lost right now. So, what if this FET doesn't work? Do I stop IF treatments or move to adoptiong? I know that I want a child, and I don't care at this point how I get one. Even if it includes baby snatching(JUST KIDDING).
You know, if I ever do get a positive, will I be able to make it through the pregnancy without making myself sick from worry... I think one more miscarriage will literally send me over the deep end. I don't know, why can't I just wake up and the freaking stork left a child on my doorstep? THIS IS MY LIFE, nothing ever goes normal with me.
Everything has been complicated since I was young enough to remember.
Frustrated beyond belief.
Last IVF, I was little Ms. Positive Pants.. I did acupuncture, I ate healthy, I took my vitamins, I quite smoking, drinking, I even relaxed! Where did it get me? NO FREAKING WHERE!
Do I feel like shelling out 500 dollars for acupunture again? No. Do I feel like quitting everything again? No. Do I have the energy to morn another negative cycle? Hell no!
So what's a girl to do at this point? Why o why, did I have shitty tubes? Why are there women out there putting their newborns in the garbage dumpsters and neglecting them? Why, when we have shelled out over 30,000 dollars trying to conceive number 1?
Makes no sense.
I've prayed about this, I even joined my husband's church. I still feel empty and void.
I guess before the tubes were taken, I always felt like maybe there was a chance, that maybe just maybe, it would happen for me. 6 ectopics later and no tubes and IVF not going so well I don't know what to expect. Should I waste more money, have no retirement, and still no child?
Jezz, I just really want to get this FET over with and move on to greener pastures.
You know, if I ever do get a positive, will I be able to make it through the pregnancy without making myself sick from worry... I think one more miscarriage will literally send me over the deep end. I don't know, why can't I just wake up and the freaking stork left a child on my doorstep? THIS IS MY LIFE, nothing ever goes normal with me.
Everything has been complicated since I was young enough to remember.
Frustrated beyond belief.
Last IVF, I was little Ms. Positive Pants.. I did acupuncture, I ate healthy, I took my vitamins, I quite smoking, drinking, I even relaxed! Where did it get me? NO FREAKING WHERE!
Do I feel like shelling out 500 dollars for acupunture again? No. Do I feel like quitting everything again? No. Do I have the energy to morn another negative cycle? Hell no!
So what's a girl to do at this point? Why o why, did I have shitty tubes? Why are there women out there putting their newborns in the garbage dumpsters and neglecting them? Why, when we have shelled out over 30,000 dollars trying to conceive number 1?
Makes no sense.
I've prayed about this, I even joined my husband's church. I still feel empty and void.
I guess before the tubes were taken, I always felt like maybe there was a chance, that maybe just maybe, it would happen for me. 6 ectopics later and no tubes and IVF not going so well I don't know what to expect. Should I waste more money, have no retirement, and still no child?
Jezz, I just really want to get this FET over with and move on to greener pastures.
posted by Kimmer at 12:45 AM
3 Comments:
I'm sorry Kim - I know how you feel. I was just thinking today "How sane is it to keep trying if this fails?"
Wish I had the answers for you.
I'm right there with you. So many of those thoughts have crossed my mind, too. Baby snatching is starting to sound damn good.
Oh the baby-less blues. Don't we sing them ever so sweetly.. I'm sorry you are feeling down, but it's hard to keep your chin up under such circimstances. The emotional rollercoaster just keeps spinning us around & around, up & down. It's tiring, it's unfair, it sucks. Hang on & I hope you have some good news to share soon.
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